Dear Fanfiction Writers
by Neverland8
Summary: The Frozen characters decide to give the fandom what they think about everything... mostly ships. Rated T to be safe. NOTE: I EDITED THE CHAPTER WHERE IT JUST APPEARED IN CODE... I HAVE NO IDEA HOW THAT HAPPENED.
1. Anna

**(AN: Hi! So, I saw this floating around, and I decided to do one of my own! Oh, and like all the other "Dear Fanfiction Writers" stories, these are going to be really short. Also, the changes on editing are ticking me off, so the updates might be a little slow at first.)**

Dear Fanfiction Writers,

Stop Shipping me and Elsa.

Seriously, it's kinda creepy.

Love, Anna


	2. Elsa

**(AN: Sorry 98% of the fandom. I had to do this.)**

Dear Fanfiction Writers,

Who is this "Jack Frost?" Why do you ship me with him?

I don't need a guy. Deal with it.

Sincerely,

Queen Elsa of Arendelle


	3. Hans

**(AN: I'm on a roll today. And HOLY CRAP I HAVE REVIEWS ALREADY? I'm so happy! Thank you! It's only been up for, like, what, an hour? You guys are awesome. So I have two letters for this one. And I'm not saying you can't ship Jelsa. I actually think it's a decent ship, though I don't really ship it myself. You can ship it all you want, but I'm trying to stay canon on this one. If anyone's OOC, though, please tell me.)**

Dear Fanfiction Writers,

What's with all the shipping of me and the sisters?

I never loved Anna. I said it myself. I couldn't care less if she died a painful death.

Elsa is a monster. Pure and simple. I hate her frozen guts and wish that I could kill her.

So stop it.

Sincerely,

Prince Hans of the Southern Isles

* * *

Dear Hans,

Yeah, cause Elsa wasn't nice to you _at all_.

She totally _didn't_ give you a fair judicial trial before sending you back to your home instead of executing you immediately.

Did you catch that sarcasm? First Disney Princess to use it. Except maybe Mérida.

Hatefully,

Anna

**(Another AN: I'd like to say, too, that I'm also not saying these ships suck or that I hate them. Not at all. I'm just trying to be canon. Except for the Mérida joke. That's just for laughs.)**


	4. Rapunzel & Flynn

**(AN: This is the last one for today! I swear! And this is not necessarily fanfiction writers, just fans in general.)**

Dear Fans,

Yes, I was in Frozen.

Deal with it.

Love,

Rapunzel

* * *

Dear Fans,

I also was there. I was next to Rapunzel the whole time.

But stop shipping us with other people, except each other.

Sincerely,

Flynn Rider, aka Eugene Fitzherbert

* * *

Dear Fans,

I see you spotted my cousin!

Love,

Anna

**(AN: Yeah, my headcanon is that Rapunzel and Anna are maternal cousins. Again, you can ship all you want. This is just supposed to be funny. I found this one funny DFW [dear fanfiction writers] that told me not to ship Jarida, but I still ship it. You can do the same.)**


	5. Kristoff

**(AN: Okay, I have decided what to do with this fanfiction. I will post 2-4 chapters per day, unless I have a valid excuse, and I will share each valid excuse with you when I post the next day's chapters. Deal? Oh, and one more. You can ship whatever you want, and I can bash whatever I want. Deal?)**

Dear Fanfiction Writers,

Kristelsa? Really?

Where on earth would you get _that_ idea?

Signed,

Kristoff

* * *

Dear Kristoff,

Well, you do have this strange obsession with ice.

Love,

Anna

PS: Elsa says she agrees with me. It _is_ an unhealthy obsession.

* * *

Dear Anna,

Please don't say you're supporting them.

Love,

Kristoff

* * *

Dear Kristoff,

That's about as likely as likely as Rapunzel being our mother.

Love,

Anna


	6. Anna and Elsa

**(AN: Thanks for all the reviews, favorites and follows, guys! You make me so happy! Okay, last disclaimer before you take my statement to heart- ship and fan-fictionalize whatever you want, I don't care. So long as it doesn't involve me.)**

Dear Fanfiction Writers,

A recent conversation with Kristoff reminded me of something that I wanted to tell you.

Rapunzel and Jack Frost are not our parents.

Frozen Tangled Guardians? In your dreams.

Love,

Anna

* * *

Dear Fanfiction Writers,

With great hesitation, Anna told me about Frozen Tangled Guardians.

Stop it.

Sincerely,

Queen Elsa of Arendelle


	7. Elsa II

**(AN: ...this is the point where I'm supposed to say something funny... I can't think of anything. Uh... thanks again for reviews, favorites and follows!)**

Dear Fanfiction Writers,

Anna? A successful Queen of Arendelle?

HA.

I love you Anna, but with you as the ruler, the Kingdom would probably collapse within a day.

Thank goodness that Kristoff is there.

And stop killing me off. I WILL LIVE FOREVER!

Sincerely,

Queen Elsa of Arendelle


	8. Elsa and a Special Guest

**(AN: It took me two seconds to come up with this one. Hope you like it! And if you don't get the joke then I think I'll cry.)**

Dear Fanfiction Writers,

DEFYING GRAVITY, SUCKERS!

Sincerely,

Elsa

* * *

Dear Fanfiction Writers,

FREAKING LET IT GO!

Love,

Elphaba


	9. The Trolls

Dear Fanfiction Writers,

Don't listen to Elsa! We totally ship Jelsa!

_So they're a bit of a fixer upper..._

Signed,

The Trolls

* * *

Dear Trolls,

Somebody's getting frostbite tonight.

Love,

Elsa


	10. Hans and Elsa

**(AN: Yeah, if the "PS" joke isn't funny, and the second letter doesn't make it up to you, I am REALLY REALLY SORRY. It's only for the sake of comedy.)**

Dear Fanfiction Writers,

We have reached a ten-minute alliance in order to write this letter to you.

Helsa? Really?

_We hate each other, you'll remember._

_**I tried to kill her, and for good reason.**_

_What do you mean, 'good reason?'_

**_Ten minutes. Just ten minutes._**

_Anyway, stop it._

Signed,

_Elsa_ and _**Hans**_

_**PS: Keep shipping it and I'll show why there's a h*** in Helsa.  
**_

* * *

Dear Hans,

Swearing is not allowed.

Signed,

Everybody


	11. The King and Queen

Dear Fanfiction Writers,

We are not abusive.

We thought we were doing the right thing and were unaware of the consequences that our decision would have.

We apologize for your anger.

Signed,

The King and Queen of Arendelle

* * *

Dear King and Queen of Arendelle,

Aren't you dead?

Signed,

The Citizens of Arendelle


	12. Everybody

Dear Fanfiction Writers,

We are not ponies.

Sincerely,

Every character in Frozen


	13. Elsa III

**(AN: Yeah, sorry I didn't post any yesterday. Apparently, my sister gets the laptop on Wednesdays for her homework, and it takes her hours to finish it. So, no Wednesdays. And I'm going to do 1-4 letters per day, though I doubt I'll drop down to one, just so I can span this out more.)**

Dear Fanfiction Writers,

Wait! Wait! WAIT!

There are some people shipping me with _Hiccup?_

_Hiccup of all people?_

...

Gosh, soon as Astrid finds out that there's _another_ Hiccup ship, you'll all be dead.

Signed,

Queen Elsa of Arendelle


	14. Anna II

**(AN: To respond to some of your recent reviews:**

** BatDoo: You were reading this at work? OHMIGOSHIHAVEAFANWHOISOLDENOUGHTOWORK! SQUEEEEEEE!**

** Jay [Guest]: Thank you for putting my thoughts on Elsanna to words. Seriously, I think that's shipped more than Kristanna, which is weird.**

** Celestia's Paladin: The King and Queen of Arendelle thank you. And what's a Paladin?)  
**

Dear Fanfiction Writers,

Okay, I'm sending you this because nobody else knows what I know.

High School AU.

I couldn't figure out exactly what "Modern High School" was, and I thought for a bit that it was a place where you go to _learn._

Nope.

Apparently, it's a place you go in order to ship Elsanna. *gags*

I don't know if any of you wrote a High School AU without Elsanna, but if you did, I'm glad.

What I also found out was that, when you don't ship Elsanna, you're there to be popular or try to be popular or to hang out with friends and make fun of the smart, kind, brave people who have a personality other than glitter.

Not to learn.

Heck, _I_ want to learn lots of things. _I_ would go to school to learn _and_ hang out with friends.

Can't anybody do both?

Completely flabbergasted,

Anna


	15. Olaf

**(AN: Thank you to We Finish Our Own Sandwiches for the inspiration for this one.)**

Dear Fanfiction Writers,

I haven't written one of these yet, but it made everybody else feel better.

So, HI, I'm Olaf. And I like warm hugs!

Honestly, I'm not exactly sure what a fanfiction _is,_ but from looking through this binder of collected letters I can tell that my friends don't like it very much.

But tell me, what is a ship? And a fanfiction? And Elsanna and Helsa and Kristelsa?

Well, if you don't answer, I'll just go ask Sven. I mean Kristoff.

Signed,

Olaf


	16. Elsa Needs to Stop Doing These

Dear Fanfiction Writers,

Okay, I was looking around on the fanfictions, trying to find good ones (I actually came across a few, BTW), and guess what I found?

What the heck are these "genderbends?"

Stop it. Really.

These are stupid.

Just... stop.

Sincerely,

Queen Elsa of Arendelle


	17. Olaf II

**(AN: This one's more of a response than a letter, so... uh... surprise!)**

Dear Fans,

Wow, a whole lot of you wrote responses.

I guess that's a good thing.

So, apparently I don't want to know what Elsanna is.

But people told me anyway.

And honestly, that _is_ kind of disgusting.

And the trolls are really ticked that nobody listened to them about Kristoff and Anna.

And thank you for informing me that fanfictions aren't bad!

Just a couple of them!

And thank you for not shipping me with anybody! (At least that I'm aware of.)

Signed,

Olaf

**(Special thanks to Elphabalover101, Celestia's Paladin, PotterPhantomKitten, We Finish Our Own Sandwiches, and anybody else who gave Olaf a letter that I didn't find because I'm on a schedule today!)**

* * *

Dear Fanfiction Writers,

We don't hate all fanfictions.

Just the stupid ones.

Sincerely,

Everybody but Olaf


	18. Elsa again

**(AN: LOL, here's me being a total hypocrite, because I actually enjoy the plotlines of these kind of fanfictions.)**

Dear Fanfiction Writers,

JACK FROST? My brother? REALLY?

I can honestly and completely tell you that we are not related.

Well, I can't exactly say that, but not that I know of.

Just please. Please stop.

Sincerely,

Queen Elsa of Arendelle


	19. Elsa gets two in a row

Dear Fanfiction Writers,

I know I just _wrote_ you a letter but... gosh, OLAF?

People are shipping me with OLAF?

Is it your intent to ship me with anyone who has a connection to snow?

Think about it. I'm technically Olaf's mother.

So please, please stop.

Sincerely,

Queen Elsa of Arendelle


	20. Marshmallow

Dear Fanfiction Writers,

Rawr.

Signed,

Marshmallow


	21. Anna III

Dear Fanfiction Writers,

I do not have fire powers.

Also, what's the obsession with shipping Elsa and someone with fire powers?

Including me, for Heaven's Sake.

ELSANNA IS FREAKING SCARY, OKAY? STOP!

To get back on topic:

Yes, ice and fire. We get it.

But doesn't anybody understand the concept of 'canon'?

Sincerely,

Anna


	22. Elsa Should Probably be Banned from This

**(AN: Sorry, only one today because I'm going though writer's block. I'll have more tomorrow, though.)**

Dear Fanfiction Writers,

I have decided to stop writing so much by giving you a list of who NOT to ship me with.

Any male from _Frozen_.

Any female from _Frozen._

Jack Frost.

Wreck-it Ralph.

An OC unless it is well-written and has a distinct personality other than Male Elsa.

Superheroes.

Any form of the above (genderbend, AU or not).

Sincerely,

Queen Elsa


	23. Elsa Adds to her List

Dear Fanfiction Writers,

It's time to add to my list.

Every Guardian ever.

Rapunzel.

Merida.

A character from Doctor Who.

And yes, I do like that you care about me enough to ship me with someone.

Just do it intelligently, and then we'll talk.

Sincerely,

Queen Elsa of Arendelle


	24. Sven

Dear Fanfiction Writers,

Seriously, why aren't I in any fanfictions?

I have a song. I am cute and cuddly.

Where are all the fanfictions?

But seriously, don't ship me with Kristoff. I _have_ indeed seen that, and it's just creepy.

I'm starting to see why Kristoff prefers me to people.

Signed,

Sven


	25. Hans II

**(FROZEN HAS BEEN RELEASED ON DVD! FROZEN HAS BEEN RELEASED ON DVD! FINALLY! TO CELEBRATE, I HAVE TWO OF THESE FOR YOU!)**

Dear Fanfiction Writers,

...okay, Vanellope?

VANELLOPE?

I'm starting to see why Elsa made a list of people _not_ to ship with her.

Cause I need one of those.

Sincerely,

Hans


	26. Elsa, Anna and a Cameo Character

**(This is to celebrate the last Once Upon a Time episode. For those of you fans who haven't seen it, do, because this has a MAJOR SPOILER.**

**MAJOR SPOILER ALERT FOR ABC'S ONCE UPON A TIME.**

**Now that I've got that out of the way, on to the letter!)**

Dear Fanfiction Writers,

Okay, for the last episode of _Once Upon a Time_, do you know what I noticed?

There's the character originally played by Idina Menzel (at least in _Wicked_) who has powers, and the royal younger sister.

And me and Anna?

The character played by Idina Menzel who has powers, and the royal younger sister.

This isn't really a reprimand, just a question.

What do you guys think?

Sincerely,

Queen Elsa of Arendelle

* * *

Dear Fanfiction Writers,

Wicked is Coming.

Will you be ready for it?

Sincerely,

Zelina, the OUaT Wicked Witch of the West

* * *

Dear Zelina,

How the heck did you get on here?

With all due respect,

Anna


	27. Anna IV

Dear Fanfiction Writers,

_Will you help me hide a body?_

Do I look like a serial killer to you?

Disgusted,

Anna


	28. Anna and Elsa II

**(AN: Thank you to Disney's frozen fan for informing me of these fanfictions!)**

Dear Fanfiction Writers,

We are not werewolves.

Sincerely,

Elsa and Anna


	29. A Notice from the Characters of Frozen

**(AN: This isn't exactly a letter, just a funny little notice, as well as a character conversation.)**

Dear Fanfiction Writers, Disney Characters, and All People alike,

After Zelina hijaked our letters to the fans and wrote one of her own, we have upped the security of Arendelle.

Anyone who enters with bad intentions will get eaten by Marshmallow.

-By order of the Queen of Arendelle

* * *

Olaf: Does he even have a digestive system?

Elsa: No, all the prisoners just sit there bored until Marshmallow delivers them to us.

Anna: Ew... you mean he pukes them out?

Elsa: Well, as he doesn't eat anything, it's not really puke, just throwing up people. Oh, hey, you're right, that is disgusting.

Anna: Olaf, I am never going near your brother ever again.

Kristoff: Ditto.

Hans: Remind me to stay in the Southern Isles.

Elsa: Come back and you get the Marshmallow treatment.


	30. Elsa and Jack Frost

**(Um... *shuffles feet* Sorry about not posting yesterday... I... um... forgot. Also, thanks to Foxinsox for this idea!)**

Dear Fanfiction Writers,

Hah! I have stolen Jack Frost's stick and am now the emperor of winter!

Ha-ha-ha!

*clattering sound* Oops, there goes the stick.

He-he.

Sincerely,

the Highly Dignified Queen Elsa of Arendelle

* * *

Dear Elsa,

This better be a joke.

Wait, where's my staff?

-Jack Frost


	31. Elsa Adds Some More to her List

**(Thanks to Disney's Frozen Fan for this chapter idea [hers is the first update], as well as most of the reviewers! I can't thank you guys enough for reviewing, btw.)**

Dear Fanfiction Writers,

GNIL4gig'rp0[t48'gagajhip'hirg5''p3'piew'fepinehugaiorxtghe4t8u40UT3I C;HE'TIHR[T URUTHA,IRCMIRUIRH

New categories for the list.

Any of Hans's brothers.

Mickey Mouse

A Ghost

A Clone of Myself

Anybody you're shipping me with just to annoy me

Sincerely,

Queen Elsa of Arendelle

* * *

Dear Queen Elsa,

Okay, you really need to lighten up.

Seriously, you're starting to scare us.

Signed,

Everyone in Arendelle


	32. Anna V

Dear Fanfiction Writers,

I have decided on a suitable punishment for Hans.

Death by AU.

Sincerely,

Anna


	33. Anna, Elsa and Marshmallow

**(This is in response to creamtherabbit77's review of Chapter 27. That made me and my sister laugh. :D)**

Dear creamtherabbit77,

Oh holy crap, you're right!

Olaf _will_ be King someday!

*begins laughing uncontrollably*

Love,

Anna

* * *

Dear Fanfiction Writers,

Olaf is technically an adopted son.

He does not have real power or the prospect of being King one day.

Thank goodness.

Sincerely,

Queen Elsa of Arendelle

* * *

Dear Olaf,

Joke's on you. I have the tiara.

Signed,

Marshmallow (as translated by Elsa)

**(AN: Yeah, I know Marshmallow can talk and Sven can't, and yet Marshmallow needs a translator and not Sven, but I really couldn't care less. :D) **


	34. Elsa Complaining Again

**(Sorry I haven't updated. I was busy on Saturday and on Sunday I got banishéd from the laptop. So... not my fault. Hope you enjoy this! And this also just my headcanon right here...)**

Dear Fanfiction Writers,

Okay, I was recently informed of this _Secret of the Wings_.

Before any fanfictions are made... Periwinkle and Tink are not _our_ fairies.

Then again, I wouldn't know.

(Anna, are Tink and Peri our fairies?)

(mumbling)

...

Forget this letter ever happened.

Sincerely,

Queen Elsa of Arendelle


	35. Olaf III

Dear Fanfiction Writers,

Wow, there are a lot of letters, you guys must really like us!

But Elsa told me to tell you to stop using modern slang for Olaf.

Apparently I don't use it much.

Whatever it is.

Love,

Olaf


	36. Hans III

Dear Fanfiction Writers,

Stop making my brothers likable.

Sincerely,

Prince Hans


	37. Kristoff II

Dear Fanfiction Writers,

Gosh, how hard _are_ you trying to break up me and Anna.

I am not a jerk.

And neither to I faint when Anna yells at me.

I yell right back.

Signed,

Kristoff


	38. Elsa Has a Funny Side

**(OK, I've been really busy lately, so I'm sorry to say, but I can't update every day anymore. I will do it every _other_ day (Wednesday not included). That should help me a lot. Is that okay?)**

Dear Fanfiction Writers,

Did anybody else notice how the entire female population of the internet (and some of the male) has posted them singing "Let it Go?"

Yikes, that song is super popular.

So... um... stop.

Actually, no, keep going.

I want to see how long it takes until you can search "Let it Go" on YouTube and have your computer blow up in your face.

Very Sincerely,

Queen Elsa


	39. Elphaba RETURNS! With Elsa

Dear Fanfiction Writers,

Thank you for not making "Elsaba" a ship name.

If it was, you would get turned into tin and then frozen over.

Signed,

Elphaba and Elsa

PS: Let it Go. Astonishing. Defying Gravity.

Have fun.


	40. Olaf Ships

Dear Fanfiction Writers,

Any shippings with Olaf will result in the Marshmallow treatment.

Sincerely,

Elsa, Anna, Sven and anybody else shipped with Olaf

* * *

Dear Fanfiction Writers,

What's a ship? Is it huggable? Or is it like those things people sail in?

Signed,

Olaf


	41. Kai and Gerda

Dear Fanfiction Writers,

Screw you. We got a character slot.

Signed,

Kai and Gerda

* * *

Dear Kai and Gerda,

Who are you again?

Sincerely,

Anna and Elsa


	42. Sven II

Dear Fanfiction Writers,

No Elsven.

Sincerely,

Sven

* * *

**(AN: Okay, everyone, I have RUN OUT OF THINGS TO WRITE LETTERS ABOUT. I need you all to help me! Please! So, as you can tell by my desperate words, this will take a long time to update. But it SHALL NEVER BE ABANDONED.)**


	43. Marshmallow II

**(Thanks to frozenlover [guest] for this idea! [And several others I might add...])**

Dear Fanfiction Writers

I am the real Snow King. I have the crown.

Signed,

Marshmallow

* * *

Dear Marshmallow,

What the heck are you talking about?

Sincerely,

Anybody who has not watched till the end of the credits


	44. Elsa and two guest writers

**(Thanks to Guest for suggesting this!)**

Dear Fanfiction Writers,

I do not need a man to save me.

Think about it. I HAVE FREAKING ICE POWERS.

To prove that I need no man to save me, I will proceed to win a snowball fight with Jack Frost.

In Egypt.

Sincerely,

Queen Elsa of Arendelle

* * *

Dear Elsa,

For the love of Set, please do not freeze us over again!

Signed,

Carter and Sadie Kane

PS: Sadie is sorry for her joke about your hair. -Carter

PPS: No I'm not. -Sadie


	45. Elsa Returns! (Edited)

**(AN: Sorry about the unexpected hiatus. I had a camp. And then a camp. And then school. And then Mother's Day. And now our kitchen is being redone. But anyway, here are two new letters!)**

Dear Fanfiction Writers,

Let 'em Burn?

Gosh, Anna's right.

You guys _do_ think we're serial killers.

Sincerely,

Elsa


	46. Once Upon a Time WHAT

**(WARNING! Spoilers for the _Once Upon a Time_ episode "Snow Drifts; There's No Place Like Home", aka the two-part season finale.)**

Dear Fanfiction Writers,

WHAT. WHAT.

ONCE UPON A TIME WHAT.

WHY AM I IN _ONCE UPON A TIME_?

WHY WAS I IN A POT?

WHY WAS I WATER?

WHY WAS I WEARING GLOVES?

WHAT WHAT WHAT.

...

You know, I think I'll just freeze over the Northern United States again.

That always helps.

Sincerely,

Queen Elsa of Arendelle


End file.
